


The Old Adage

by ienablu



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 09:14:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5660890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ienablu/pseuds/ienablu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Han shot first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Old Adage

“If you see our son... bring him home.”

Han’s known Leia since she was the princess of a newly-destroyed planet. Through the years, she has rose to every occasion presented to her. Princess. Fighter. Twin. Strategist. Lover. Wife. Mother. General.

So much has been asked of Leia, while she has asked for so little.

Han will bring Ben back.

No matter what.

*

After Ben fell to the Dark Side, Luke was the first to leave. The loss of his time spent mending the mistakes of his father, the loss of the new generation of Jedi, the loss of innocent lives, the loss of his nephew, it was too much.

Leia left after him. The warm, vibrant, spirited woman that Han knew and loved faded away. She never lost her spark, but she guarded it as she guarded herself. The First Order rose to power and she rose to general. Formidable as always, strong and defiant, but the loss of her son wounded her deeply.

Han left as often as he could, for as long as he could. He grew to believe in the Force, but that didn’t mean he could understand it. Understand the Dark Side. Understand what really happened to his son. He left and returned to what he once was. A smuggler, a scoundrel, a swindler.

Not a liar, though. Not about this. Leia told him to bring back Ben.

She just didn’t say what condition he needed to be in.

*

Ben’s face is washed in red as the sun dies.

Han promised to bring him home to Leia.

Ben’s hands are locked on his lightsaber.

His gaze is locked on Han.

He doesn’t see Han pull out his blaster.

*

Jedi can feel death through the Force. Luke told him about this, about Obi-Wan describing the destruction of Alderaan. A million voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

When Ben fell to the Dark Side and Kylo Ren rose out of his ashes, Leia woke up screaming. She’d been having difficulty sleeping the past few nights, but unwilling to talk about it. His first concern was soothing his wife. It was only after she cried their son’s name that Han pushed for some explanation. Through tears, he got the abridged version.

He got the full story from Luke later.

Han never got the full story from Leia. Five fights and three reconciliations later, after six glasses of Corellian brandy between the two of them, she painted what she felt in broad strokes. Each Jedi student dying an agonizing death. Luke’s horror and despair and pain. Ben’s own horror at what he had done. It was what made her so convinced that he was not lost to the Dark Side.

He can only imagine how she must be feeling now.

*

The reception back on D’Qar is loud and triumphant. Cheers sound in several different languages

The Starkiller base has been destroyed and the destructive Kylo Ren has been killed.

Neither Rey nor Finn have talked to Han, not since they watched him board the Falcon with his son’s dead body cradled in his arms. They don’t talk to him as they disembark, disappear into the crowd of back-thumps and hugs and high-fives. He seems them resurface next to Dameron. Commander Poe Dameron, best pilot in the galaxy, the hero that destroyed the Starkiller.

Han once considered himself to be the best pilot, but he knows he’s never been a hero.

Leia plays her part of General Organa, who just led her army into a victory against the First Order. Skirmishes between the two sides generally involved the First Order pushing and the Resistance retreating. But General Organa pushed and won. And now, there’s pilots to be lauded, a momentum to capitalize on, plants to be made, a victory to celebrate.

Han has no part in this celebration, nor does he want to be part of it. He retreats back into the Falcon. Him and Chewie walk around, taking note of all the repairs they’ll need to do, arguing over which should be made first, complaining over Unkar Plutt’s poor maintenance. Han stalls as long as he can before they circle back into the main hold.

Lying on the bunk, Han can almost pretend Ben is just sleeping.

It wouldn’t be the first time Ben had fallen asleep aboard the Falcon. Memories ghost through the room, playing and replaying over each other. Han pinches the bridge of his nose.

Chewie sets his paw on Han’s shoulder, and lets out a consoling noise. Then puts both paws on his shoulders, and steers him towards one of the smuggling nooks in the main corridor. The memories of a child’s footfalls chase Han, until Chewie uncovers an old bottle of ale has been waiting years for them.

Night falls, heavy and dark, and Han climbs down the loading ramp to see Leia a few feet off, staring up at the Falcon.

“I’m going to get firewood,” is all she tells Han.

“He wasn’t a Jedi, you know,” Han tells her. It’s cruel, but it’s the truth, and one they need to face.

“I know.” She looks at him, and she looks every single minute of her years. “But he could have been.”

*

No parent should have to bury their child.

It's a cold comfort that Jedi burials involve a pyre.


End file.
